Provoking Thoughts

One fine day, while chatting with my colleague, one of them mentioned that we're 25 soon. If we could live to 100, we have spend 1/4 of our lives doing what we are doing right now.

This thought of only having 3/4 of my lives left is intriguing. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Will I be wasting what precious time I have left?

Well, I left that pondering and didn't think much about it again. However, today, it hit me once more. This time round, I think of it from an angle of my grandparents.

My grandfather is quite old, he had just celebrated his 80th birthday. He's been through WW2. He's there to witness Singapore merging with Malaysia, became independent and the first election that happens.

He, I must say, has gone through 3/4 of his life. So, he has only 1/4 of his time left to do what he wants to do..

And I think he just want someone, his children or grandchildren, to be there for him.

Do you know he has slight dementia? He forgots some things easily. Like how? There was one day when my mum just visited him, the next day, my grandfather was complaining to my grandmother saying that my mum had not visited him for ages!

And he ask about me too, as soon as I left his house. He ask where I was when I just drove him home from an outing.

It's frightening to think that short term memory happens to anyone and they can't remember what they have experience. However, things that he will remember are his children and memories.

Memories of what he had gone through when he was younger.

You know, I use to value photographs importantly because it captures how I look like at that point of time. And if one day I look back, I can admire how I used to look like. Ugly, pretty, cute, weird...

But these days, I'm not very interested in taking photographs anymore. I feel what matters behind photographs are the memories we hold. Imagine if someone else look at a photograph that is meaningful to you. To them, they admire the photograph - how nice it was and imagine what led to you capturing that moment.

However, it could mean a whole meaning to you, perhaps it was a last moment with someone precious or it was a great birthday bash etc.

So I couldn't imagine what kind of memories my grandfather had and what are his deepest thoughts but in all, being his grandchild, the best we could give him are happier memories to live the rest 1/4 of his life...

I will accompany him after my exams :) Promise...

Happy days

Just a week ago, I brought my family, less Dad who is working, to Universal Studios Singapore ("USS"). I spend a bomb securing the 3 tickets but it was all worth it.

This trip is a delayed trip since June to reward my sister's hardwork. I told her that if she got top 10 in class, she will get a USS treat. And she really did!! She topped her whole class during mid year exams! Wows.. Come to think of it, this took me by surprise! I was a little skeptical about her getting good grades :P I'm sucha bad sister!

But nonetheless, her reward is given! We had the battlestar ride first and it was extremely frightening! Omgosh. But eventually, after all the rides, when we tried battlestar again, it felt like nothing. Hahas, first experience is always memorable..

Anyways, I borrow mr. Bambam's sister's digi cam and I lost the cloth bag that was protecting the camera!! :( Went to Sim Lim to buy another one for her but can't find the exact and got a hp pouch at $13 to replace instead. But it's still not the one. She says it's ok but I feel pretty bad about it :( I'm sorry!! >.< Over the weekend, I have splurge and got myself a dslr too! Love it to bits ;) Here's a shot of the fireworks to end my entry :) Tata

Unplan Suprises

It was my birthday last week. I feel kind of old already. Like 22 years of my life has passed by just like this. Hahas.

Anyways, I had my company annual D&D last week too, a day after my birthday. I like RWS :) It's very fun!! :)

And on the same day, I got a result from my application. We got a q number ^_^ I'm so elated to know that!! Yays, double yays~!

I just hope everything goes fine with all the planning and of course, my examinations. Money is the biggest issue now, I hope we don't quarrel cause of money. Sighs! Now I understand my parents' problems.

Anyways, I'm at home now because my mum fall ill.. She keeps vomitting and vomitting for the entire night. I suspect it is due to food poisoning. My sister cooked a pot of maggiee mee the other day and it smells like detergent.

Nonetheless, I finished it all off! But my mum only had a few bites. I guess the older people goes, the weaker their immune systems are. I just feel unwell and want to vomit but shrugged it off and went to sleep. My mum had the more serious symptoms - vomitting, headache, sleepless.

I shall let her sleep now, going to wake her up soon to bring her to the doctor's. Ciao! Btw, if you see right --> you will see a FB like page for Sparky *my pet dog* Do remember to like and check out his videos and photos! Thanks! :)

Blogging!

I realized everytime I blog, it's near the end of my exams! Haha.

What a coincident! :) Previ0usly, was talking about my new workplace. Omg! I don't regret moving cause I learnt alot here. And when I made mistakes, I found solutions on my own! *Some grave mistakes I did just recently =X*

Btw, heard from my ex-colleague the girl that took over my position in the other company left. I mean, why? Guess people are always looking for greener pastures. Though I would love to get additional $, but I think I would prefer to gain experiences first :)

Anyways, today I was having my accounts paper and I screwed it big time. Like, I can say overconfidence kill me! Haha, I thought my accounts was good enough, but, it wasn't! It's because I didn't practise enough. Oh my, what is done is done. I just pray for a pass will do :)

Btw, I did my passport yesterday, I hope it would be approved asap! Bambam and his friends are going Malaysia and I so wanna tag along! ICA, please make it approved by Wednesday, okok? :)

Gah, it's time for me to study hrm for tomorrow's last paper. After tomorrow, I will be a free girl! And not to mention, my family is celebrating my birthday tomorrow. Bambam celebrating it with me on Sunday @ Kushinbo! So sweet :) I love all my family and friends around me. I'm blessed :)

From Oct - Nov

I'm back! Yeah, never blogged quite long.

Alot things happened during this time:-

Oct

- cook a fabulous meal for my dear~

- went for jessica bday and somehow, got closer to Lingy + Qiuting (it's like back in school days again)

- manicure + pedicure addict

Nov

- rebonded my hair, after so much hesitation and searching online for good home based saloon. I finally did it! HAHAs :)

- did my first waxing @ a home based saloon in punggol, damn clean! I'm addicted to waxing!

- steamboat with my friends @ yuki yaki

- celebrated my 21st Birthday! not very enjoyable throughout but it's nice with the mahjongs + phototaking sessions with my friends

- steamboat again with my friends + dear @ sukiyaki

- got my first branded watch from my godfather / godmother (my aunt) and my first branded pouch from my colleagues and all the very lovely presents from my colleagues and friends! :)

FAMILY

I'm feeling a little emotional at the moment. Many things are going through my mind, and the most important factor is "Death".

"Death" is always a scary topic that I hate to touch on but has been going through my mind a million times. I remember when I was a teenager (though I am still in my 20, not yet 20s), I keep thinking what is "me"?

I always imagine as a person out of my "human shell" and visualising myself standing there, looking at "myself" doing what I am doing everyday.

What if one day, I die? What will happened to the people around me? What if one day, someone close to me die? What will happened to me?

I always never treat anyone good before, especially to my Family. I shout at my mum for getting on my nerves, asking me questions again and again and nagging me to do the housework for her. I tsk at my father for asking too many questions and asking me for a new handphone for him to use (as his was going to be spoil) and for sending me late to work and pretend to be asleep when he's asking me questions.

I bullied my sister to do all housework on my behalf and to take care of the dog. I even laughed at her and post her ugliest pictures in facebook.

I realized, I'm evil to my family.

Why can I be so nice and sweet to anyone else but not to my family? I am so wrong, extremely wrong in my own character.

What if one day, everyone disappear? There will be no one for me to ask "Meimei, is this outfit nice? Meimei, can you bring the dog down? Mummy, wash my clothes for me? Papa, bring me to work please?" and I'm all alone.

I can't imagine that, but I understand that one day, that situation will arise and be thrown directly to me.

How can I react? What can I do?

I don't want to live my life with regrets, I don't want to be grasping the empty air and cried myself to sleep.

And from today onwards, there must be a change in me. That's to treat my family like FAMILY, not like some unknown stranger I met on the road.

I LOVE YOU.

Ageing process

Today is mid-autumn festival. This used to be a look forward event for our family when I was still a kid.

Usually, our family will meet up at our grandparents' place and have a BBQ for all sorts of events. The kids (which refer to me+cousins) will always end the night with a tour around the neighbourhood with our brightly lighted lanterns.

I still remember we almost burned down the playground literally. And how once I met my schoolmates when we were having a brisk walk in the park.

Those were the days but it seems that when we grow up, everything changes.

The grass-patched park was torn down and replaced by concrete grounds. My grandparents moved and stay in with my uncle as the unbearable neighbour keeps disturbing them.

Now, the mid-autumn event seems like a chore to some of my cousins, finding it unnecessary to turn up even though grandmother has called several times. As I'm silently reprimanding them for their crimes, I myself am also guilty of being unfilial. I cringed too sometimes at the sound of the phone ringing, it's definitely my grandmother who is asking what time will we arrived at her place.

Today, I had the dinner as usual. But I found out something unusual this night. Grandfather's legs were as big as an elephant's. It seems that he has gotten some type of illness and it caused his leg to swell.

I'm still feeling kind of sad that I have neglected my grandparents so much and that the kids grew up too fast.

Mummy decided to take leave on Tuesday to accompany Grandfather to the polyclinic. I was reluctant to take leave as 1) I don't know if my leave can be approved 2) I'm afraid of not having enough leave anymore 3) Too many things piled up for me to clear at work

So I told mummy straight that I am not able to accompany her on Tuesday.

However, she struck me back with a question that I felt ashamed of myself, "Do you still remember that they (referring to grandparents) took the effort to come over and fetch you to the clinic the day when you were extremely sick?" [Refer to this post "Sick"]

Argh, shiat! Gotten me with that. Yeah, if my grandparents can take care of me when I felt extremely unwell, why can't I do the same to them?

So I made up my mind to take that day off on Tuesday.

I love you, my family.

i miss my ah ma..

sighs.. these few days i totally have no time at all..
i swear, i didnt even have time to breathe..

keep working my life away..
i paid 1k to teacher le.. still owe him another 1.5k.. :(

working my life out man..

i went sakae buffet the other day with x, x, x, x :)
damn fun, love these guy and gals..

^_^
bonding..
den the rest of the days are working.. especially father's day..
full, 10.5hrs, tiring >.<

sad to say, i nv celeb father's day..
in fact, i nv celeb my dad's bday b4..

i'm a bad daughter to him..
i grew up in a family where we dont express our love..
i dont know how to at all

i cant blurt out the words to them or shown concern..
all i ever did was to rebuke them.. and make them worried..

sighs..

and i really miss my grands..

i used to think that my cousins are ridiculous for not visiting my grands during the weekend.. or coming to our bbq-time on special occasions
*i see them during CNY and ah gong's bday only*

but now, i know why..
we are just too busy..
it's really an excuse..

but it's sadly, the truth..
i yearn so much to go and visit them, but even when i could, i just tell myself i'm too tired.. i can go next week..

but i never did..
i'm becoming a bitch that i once hated and thought i wouldnt be..

i wish i have more time.. or i wish i dont even need to study or work..

growing up is part of life's misery..

i hate the thing that i'm grown up now..
i want the child in me back..
*thou my colleagues still say i'm one -.-*

but we will nv be that little cute brat that everyone loves anymore..