Anxiety Attack 2

Today, a friend shared an article on Facebook. It was about Brad Pitt and his wife, Angelina Jolie. The article says Brad Pitt was on the verge of divorcing this woman because she was not herself anymore. She gets constantly nervous and was always crying. She is not happy, suffers from headaches, heart pains and jammed nerves.

That sounded exactly like an anxiety attack. And suddenly, I begin to know how she felt.

And Brad Pitt did his love for her by showering Angelina Jolie with all the love he can, flowers, kisses and compliments. She regained and became a better woman than before. I don’t know how true this is but I know exactly what she was going through.

I am still recovering from what was the shock of my life. I went bonkers and berserk the other day. I screamed, cried, shivered and my eyes fall to daze. I had no directions and I don’t know what to do. I became frightened at every single movement and I imagined things that were not like they were. I pinched myself. I mumbled insults at myself before I can fall asleep.

My lips were constantly dry. I am afraid of mr. bambam leaving me. I tensed up at every ring of his phone and I was fearful of interacting with people, especially my family and friends.

In any other case, as a man, most would have left or brush away the situation and ignore the woman. I don’t know why mr. bambam didn’t scold me for being silly like before. I think he knew I was at the edge, unlike how I used to be. I am totally not myself.

He saw through my eyes how scared I am. The “me” that used to be fearless was hiding far, far behind. I don’t know where I had hidden myself too as well.

mr. bambam held my hand tightly, assuring me that things are well. He told me that there was nothing to be worried about. He pats me to sleep. Worried that I am having nightmares, he slept beside my bed every night. He constantly checks on me and calms me down when I’m frowning as I sleep.

I was like a child, terrified of the world. I am tensed and grabs mr. bambam tightly no matter where we went to. He was no Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is rich, but mr. bambam still has a job and works night shift to earn more for our future.

Yet, mr. bambam had to console and endure my craziness. I have no idea how he dealt with me. He is such a strong and wonderful man. Concerned, he took me to doctors to make me better. Before each consultation with the different doctors, he offered to go in first. I don’t know what he told the doctors but I felt at ease with him doing so. The western doctor I see asked me “What happened?” I didn’t know as well and helplessly, I cried. Big droplets of tears just flow down my cheeks. I couldn’t control myself.

mr. bambam had to hug me tight and tell me not to worried. Every time he saw me under pressure, he just kept quiet and held me close. Before leaving for work, he made sure I am relaxed and comfortable.

I know mr. bambam is tired. He said softly to me he wishes a speedy recovery for me but yet, he continues to care about me relentlessly. Knowing that visiting our new neighbour’s place will bring me joy, he accompanied me to do so despite him hating to interact with new people.

I am like a spoilt child, showered with love. After my medical leave, on my first day to work, he took the train all the way to Habourfront with me, just to make sure I reached my office safely. When work has ended, he carries an umbrella amidst the heavy rain to ferry me home. Then he helps with the cooking and dinner is served. After a busy day caring for me, he then had to work night shift to answer ridiculous calls from strangers and endures being yelled at.

I have to get well soon. I really have too.

I know I am still afraid. My neck is constantly strained and I am on high alert of people. I get frighten still by small movements people make. When I see crowds, I grab my arms tightly.

But I know this cannot stay. I need to be well. I need to be strong.

I have a man, better than Brad Pitt. We may not be as wealthy as they are but the love mr. bambam had for me, definitely wins all the man on earth.

What did I do to deserve such a guy?

He’s too perfect.

To make me happier, he had booked tickets for us to travel to Taiwan. It’s our first flight together. Our first, flying across the earth, trip.

So, please, little girl in me, please get well. Please do not be so stressed and tensed anymore. You are a grown up, a woman so do not be beaten down by little obstacles in life.

I wish you well, please recover soon.

Anxiety Attack

I wasn’t happy 6 months ago. About the wedding.

6 months later, I had an anxiety attack. And from this incident, I get to know how wonderful mr. bambam is to me. He is patient, kind, understanding and soft.  The list can goes on and on about what an amazing man he is to me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I had been having nightmares since last Friday. To be honest, I am so ashamed and fearful of everything – I pinched myself. Ouuch? In fact, I don’t feel any pain although the bruises look extremely scary. It was red, black, dark, rounded and around my arms.

I thought I was fine. I really thought I was.

What exactly happened? I’m really not sure. Friday night just went by and I couldn’t sleep. I think of myself being a bad person, ugly and shameless. I thought of reasons mr. bambam may not want me and there is another lady out there that deserves him so much. I can’t take it imagining that, I pinched and cried myself to sleep. Hopefully, I am able to fall asleep but I really can’t. I don’t know why. I dazed, I look at the mirror and I cried and cried.

There’s a tiny voice in my head keep repeating insults at me.

I can’t ignore.

I know I am still not myself yet. I cringed when walking in crowds. I held mr. bambam’s hand so tight he felt he is being squeezed. I can’t relax myself. I cried when the doctor asked me how am I. I cried when I am going to sleep. I clenched my fists every night since.

Please, take me away from this misery.

Being good

Is being good a bad thing nowadays?

I have been told I trust too easily, by friends, colleagues and family.  Why?  Is trust not valuable now?  And is giving in a bad thing to do?

Taking for example, I knew my career was going nowhere, however, this is a place that can help me in my salary increment – money, something that is of upmost importance to me now as my flat and wedding are coming.  However, if I had stayed on, it’s going to be a dent in my career.  What am I doing now is practically administrative work, and that is the reason for me to run away from my comfortable 3 years zone in my previous workplace.

So, happily, I got another offer from another company that apparently seems to be offering me a career path that can accelerates to where I want to be, eventually.  The cons – they’re offering me the same salary and I’ll be missing out my current company’s bonus as well as my annual increment.  Well, but for the sake of my future, I’ve decided to go ahead.

Friends said I’m silly, I should ask for more and should have stick to my decision of higher salary but my thought is what’s my justification for a higher asking salary?  I would stick around in the company to work my way and prove my worth, shouldn’t it be the case?

Okay, fine, I gave in but shouldn’t I?

Another example was I have a very good friend who needed cash to fund her studies.  I am not sure of the reason why but she didn’t take a loan and asked if I could help.

I thought long and hard about it.  This was the 3^rd time since her studies that she had been asking around for funds and approached me.  I know it’s tough; I’ve been through it myself, I begged for help and was rejected by the very people who said I am their precious in the past.  So, I decided, okay, fine, I’ll take out my savings (which is practically all) for her to study.

She promised to return on a monthly basis for the next 6 months.

Is that foolish?

Colleagues, friends and family told me not to do it.  They said that she should have predicted the money necessary for her studies and saved up instead of approaching for help.  But, why not help?  Isn’t a friend in need a friend indeed?

So, what?  Being too good is bad for a person or should we selectively be good?

I'm not happy

All brides are super happy to plan their own wedding. For me, whenever I think about it, I just silently cry in my room. I'm really not happy to get married.

I hate the dates, I get chided for not being strong to overcome my mum.  I fear what might happen when the two families meet. Friends see this as a drama. But this is my life, it's not a show.

A show only goes on on tv. When the show has ended, the lives of the actors carry on..The scriptwriter can dictates how he wants the ending to be. But my life has no control.

I'm bring manipulated. Either way, I'm. I hate the feeling.. I hate to plan. I'm envious that other brides can be so blissful, so perfect.

I'm nothing but just a rag doll. Maybe a corpse bride in future if everyone still forces me. Please stop, seriously.

Planning a proper wedding - what issues you may stumble upon

You know what's one thing about planning a wedding?

It's never easy.

Sure, I've seen some people with the easiest wedding, both families are alright with any arrangements or no hiccups/issues. If you have that kind of wedding, I would give you a big hug and tell you "Congrats. Please appreciate what your families have given you."

I've researched alot that I can do for my wedding, diy, flowers, venues.. But I've actually overlooked and never realised about issues that may occurred. Caught off guard, these minor issues actually matters alot to the elderly and it seems that overnight, someone laid a million of burdens on my shoulder.

Yeah, like as usual. The objections people have, the dates you need to have, the decorations, venues, food.. Sighs, I wish to have it easy and I decide with mr. Bambam but why do people need to help us decide? It's our wedding, but in fact, it has became the families' wedding.

It's like 1 year and 7 months to my wedding date and I've already had so many problems.

1) The date
2) The previous issues that were never resolved
3) Gossip mongers

The list will be longer, I believe. But I need to persevere on! The lucky thing about this is how I actually witnessed mr. Bambam reacted to the whole situation and he gave me the strength to carry on. <3

So unlike any other advice, my advice to brides or grooms who are planning the wedding - it's not always about the glamour and beauty. A wedding has alot of issues, always ask, and ask further, your family about what are they thinking. It's not the generic kind of questions, you need to be a psychologist and understand the underlying meaning. Serious, it's extremely disastrous if you don't.

Don't Buy the Puppy, Adopt a Dog.

Okay, as the title suggest, this is what I will be dwelling on today. It is not solely on dogs but any other domestic animals. :)

Maybe it is the power of social media. These days, I have been seeing a lot of Facebook postings about adoption, fur parents giving up their fur kids, animals being put to sleep due to lack of space. And not to mentioned, the people who posted about adopting/buying Puppies only.

Actually, having a pet is never easy - I've learnt the hard way. Before you want/demand a pet, remember some points:

1)     Are you willing to clean up their faeces after they have done their business? It might be in public, but that's okay.. What's worse if it relieves itself in your home, your favourite sofa, the walls, and your bed?

2)     Food! What can your pet eats, what is dangerous for them, e.g. my dog, Sparky, can't eat grapes - like any other dog, he will vomits. Imagine cleaning up his vomit when he accidentally ate one grape.

3)     They need to have their activity and play times! Cats, dogs, rabbits.. They need to be let out and roam freely. You must bring them down for walks or open up their cage for them to roam about. You won't like being kept in a small cage 24/7. So do them!

4)     Bathe them! Eating, drinking, going for walks, activity time, dust.. Like humans, anything can make them dirty, pets need to have their bath times. And bathing them needs skill, you must not allow water in their ears and eyes. And drying them up with a hairdryer asap one you're done with the shower for them to prevent colds.

5)     The house will never be clean with a pet around. Your beloved sofa will be covered with fur. Wires tend to become chew toys. Your pet may territorise and sleep on the sofa. Anything but it is no longer just you, it's us. There is a need to clean up the house daily. It's going to be a chore and adding up to your burdens.

6)     Your pet will grow old; it will not be the cute little thing you thought it always will be. One day, they, like humans, may have no more energy to walk and run. They will be paralysed. You need to feed them. You need to clean them up when they can't move. It will be a horrible and heart wrecking sight but you need to be there for them.

A pet needs a lot of commitments. The list goes on and on. I am one fur parent that regretted having a dog in my house. But the joy of having one around is of great impact as well. If one day, I return home and Sparky's not around to greet me, I will feel sad..

So everytime you see a post about adoption, always consider what are the cons first. There are millions and billions of pros having a dog but the cons may affect you in future in abandoning that same dog too.

So think first, always.

Tap to earn

Okay, everyone is complaining about high cost of living in Singapore. Transportation so high.. MRT keeps breaking down.. And.. here's something for everyone!! You can sign up at this link to earn rebates from your daily transportation (I've a friend who earn 60$ cash rebates for the past 10 months!!) How cool is that!

What you need to do:-

1) Click on this link - https://insinc.sg/r/3cXm7eXh/
2) Sign up/sign up with facebook login
3) Key in 1 EZ Link card (the digits behind) that you usually use4) Clock 2 trips with this EZ Link card (you should be able to in one day (2 trips))5) You're all set to earn rebates!!
I have started earning points.. And on my way to getting back money from the government :P So why not you? Click to join!! ^_^

Marriage is never easy

To be in a dating relationship, it is always easy to cut it off if you woke up one day realising that this is not the love of your life..

But if you are in a marriage, that is a whole new different thing. You got married because you are committed to each other. The support a wife needs to give the husband should be 100% + 1% more than anyone else. You don't say "Let's divorced" that easily because you are not divorcing your other one, you are breaking off all relationships with the other party's family too.

The love a husband needs to give the wife is also at 100% + 1% more. You can exceed but you must never lower that percentage.

Only after being in a marriage, you will realise how hard it is to maintain. You will have loans commitment, issues to deal with and also people you need to handle and these people may not even be your spouse!

When you get older, your love dies. But your love dies because your heart is dead or flown away.

I always thought people were stupid not being able to maintain their marriage but truth is, it is difficult. It is difficult because you realise he/she is not how you think they are. It is difficult because you are not how they think you are.

To maintain the marriage, lower your expectations but at the same time, improve yourself to meet your spouse's expectation. Men, look after the kids and help with the household work. Women, learn to change the light bulb and slim down.

And if one day, you have really decided to break if all off. Recall the days that you had been through. The first flower he gave you, the first kiss you ever have, your movie date, your normal hawker dinner, the struggles you go through getting your flat, the objections from parents on your relationship, your friends' words about both of you, and the vows you made in front of your witnesses.

Always remember, you were once madly in love.. And you will eventually find the feeling back..

[Review] Bio Oil - Getting rid of stretch marks and SCARS!

I’m the kind of girl that is always having bruises and scars on my legs and hands.  It’s quite embarrassing and unsightly to have big patches of scars on your leg!! I have always considered *if I ever become rich* to go for skin laser to get rid of my scars..

Till one day….

I’ve read about and heard about Bio Oil!!

Okay, here’s the story. As you would have known, I was preparing for my ROM last year.. However, silly little me fall down 2 months before my wedding and had a huge cut across my left thigh. I swear I was super angry and upset at myself so I went online to seek for help!! And then, I met it – Bio Oil. The reviews given was quite general, no pictures to support but people from all over the globe is giving thumbs up on this product.

I hesitated from buying because I’m really skeptical of a product that can remove scars (come on, we know that many products claim to remove scars but few really does, right?) so I delayed my purchase of Bio Oil. mr. Bambam heard about my scars and he was really pissed off – I got a big scolding from him for being so careless and I should have known better because it’s our ROM soon.. blah…blah….blah..

So, he got really very upset and pissed off, he went ahead and bought Bio Oil for me!!! :) Happy girl ^^,v

Bio Oil - The miracle oil

So, happily, I’ve been using this product. Every now and then *when I remember*, I will rub the oil at my scars!! My scars usually stay on for 1 year, 2 years or never gone.. So imagine me looking at it every other day wishing for it to disappear. I bring the oil everywhere I go and once I have the chance to, I will keep massage the scars’ area.

Anyways, the joy was the scars really are disappearing!! It is not a immediate effect but it took 3-4 months for the scars to disappear~~

Jumps for joy!

My scars will always come to me because I always… ALWAYS fall down! So knowing that such a product exists is like heavens dropping a immortal pill for me :P

Anyways, no picture no talk, right? Here’s proof of my before and after affected area – look at how to scars are gone after using Bio Oil.

Before – Slight scars (I’ve been using the oil for at least 1 month) & After – No more scars (I’ve been using the oil for at least 3 months)

Another photo that shows the scars clearly :)

I’m trying to target other areas like spider veins and stretch marks but I believe that the product will not fail me. I hope it does help you in a way or two too~! <3 p="">

The jobs that few would want..

The other day I was talking about how awesome the police drama was on channel 8 was to mr. Bambam and asked him why such a cool job couldn't attract people to join!

mr. Bambam logically analyse why for me. Mind boggling. First, it's the salary. And interlinked with dangers of the job.

Salary, I guessed, for our dear police shouldn't be much.. Perhaps a starting salary range from 1,800$ to 2,200$?

And the dangers associated to it! mr. Bambam was telling me being a police person has alot of dangers like facing minor criminals e.g. thief to extreme criminals e.g. murderer. Being a police person, you are also exposing your loved ones to danger if you made enemies when carrying out your duties. And mind you, it's not the normal office political kind of enemies. These enemies may be someone who might go crazy anytime to stab your loved ones.

So with that kind of danger, why would anyone want to join the force.

Another job I noted with very limited manpower is the qualified nurses in Singapore.

The healthcare industry has always been in a labour crunch. It's hard to recruit the right talent for these jobs. Nurses have long working hours, shift work, and facing demanding patients and their family. Not to mentioned, it is not  well recognised job by most people. And.. the low salary.

Conclusion, salary really plays a huge part in ensuring people join certain industry and jobs but.. that's just the tip of the ice berg.

Ultimately, the pull factor for people to join is the passion and willingness to serve. To serve the nation by ensuring the lowest crime rates in Singapore. To serve the nation by nursing the health of our children, elderly and injuried.

Yes, there are definitely alot of jobs that may be better but the heart and the desire to help is the greatest beauty anyone could have if they joined such industries.

With that, I truly saluate the country's soldiers, police, nurses, doctors and anyone else who dedicated their lifetime to serve, to put down materialistic gains and go for what truly matters to them - their heart of gold and compassion.

:)

How's life?

I had my engagement on the 25 of November in year 2012. I must say Grand Copthrone have one of the nicest food among various hotels. Duh, they have like the most expensive menu for their wedding dinner! I can't afford that though :(
Oh well, another year has came. During my absence of blogging, I got 1) engaged (in the sense of legally married but not customary), 2) passed my exams and into my final semester, 3) change a new job and 4) preparing for my wedding and house.
How time flies, mr. Bambam and I had our 1 yr proposal anniversary too. It was just a simple meal at home :) cooked duly by me only!
I embarked a new journey now at a company and I hope this road brings me magical moments.
Oh, talk about magical.. I went to a Disney course and I'm so attracted by the employees' enthusiasm and willing to put 101% effort in their job. It makes me longing to work for such a company where dreams matter.
And I'm inspired to have a close to Disney theme for my wedding! I hope it will turn out nice ;) We, brides, are only princess just once in our lives. And, we all hope to end happily ever after, right?
To end, let me share my favourite picture of my engagement (mr. Bambam n me)!