人，老了。

Heard this song the other day.  If it used to be the me previously, I would just brushed this off.  But, that night, upon listening to this, I tear-ed.

时间都去哪了
门前老树长新芽
院里枯木又开花
半生存了多少话
藏进了满头白发

记忆中的小脚丫
肉嘟嘟的小嘴巴
一生把爱交给他
只为那一声爸妈

时间都去哪儿了
还没好好感受年轻就老了
生儿养女一辈子
满脑子都是孩子哭了笑了

时间都去哪儿了
还没好好看看你眼睛就花了
柴米油盐半辈子
转眼就只剩下满脸的皱纹了

I just realised how old our parents are already, they've already gone through half a century and to be a mum soon, I realised how tough it is to have a baby.

I don't know why but this song just touched me dearly.  It really seems like time passes too quickly.  Having a kid really makes you worry about him/her every moments.  Now, I understand why my mother was worrying about us, you just cannot let go.

Our day - 闰九月

After so many hoo-has about our wedding, we've finally decided not to hold any wedding dinner. But, the traditional fetching the bride and traditional stuff will still happen.

So many changes, the date is finally set.

And the Lunar Calendar date happens to fall on 闰九月 (Lunar "Double/Leap" September).

I've read up about this 闰九月 and I'm pleasantly surprised. It says "闰九月可称为比较罕见的闰月" meaning that this 闰九月 is seldom seen.

The last 闰九月 happened in the year 1832 and the next 闰九月 will be in 2109.

Is it bad to have your wedding on a 闰九月? Nah, it's not. I don't think so, from reading, it seems perfectly fine and this year, there's 2 springs so making it a even better year for marriage! :)

Anyways, to the topic of 闰九月, I was telling mr. Bambam that we can only celebrate our Lunar date 95 years later.  mr. Bambam then said, "You told me the same thing last life (in year 1832), that's why we're celebrating our love again this life."

He continued, "And we will go through again many lifetimes later..."

It's really sweet.  To be honest, I've never been a good wife at all, I've always made him pissed off and done wrong stuff but to think that this man still loves me albeit more or less, he always says the nicest things ever.

I really hope to continue this many lifetimes later with you again.

♥

More information about the date: http://news.163.com/14/0213/11/9KV9R1A300014Q4P.html

Journey to getting my flat

HLE approved! Yeah! Uh huh~ Woooooooo

Amount is just right for me to purchase my 4 room flat. Phews.
So now, I'll just wait for the keys collection date.

26 Oct 2010 - Submit application for BTO (5th time!)
24 Nov 2010 - Announcement of results (got q. 48)
27 Dec 2010 - Selection of Flat
23 Apr 2011 - Signing of lease agreement
16 Jan 2014 - Received HLE application (2nd HLE)
19 Jan 2014 - Submitted HLE
22 Jan 2014 - Resubmitted HLE
28 Jan 2014 - HLE approved!
22 Feb 2014 - Fences down!
27 Feb 2014 - HDB inspection of our block!
9 Mar 2014 - Received HDB's invite to collect keys
17 Mar 2014 - Collected keys!
1 May 2014 - 动工!
5 & 6 May 2014 - Painting of rooms
26 May 2014 - Hacking of walls and electrical works

So, waiting carpentry :)

100 happy days

I've seen so many people posting on their instagram, facebook, twitter with this hashtag - #100happydays.  I'm curious, what's with it?  As days passed by, I realise #100happydays from friends seem to die out as well.  What's with that, you're stopping after day 10?!

So, I google-ed (best friend tool!) and found this website: http://100happydays.com/
So that's what it is all about.

The page says 71% of people cannot complete listing their 100 happy days because they ended up being..

TOO BUSY

Rubbish.  I believe everyone's happy at some point of the day.  It is the documenting of a picture/incident that makes you happy - that is tough. Well, picture may paint a thousand words but memory lasts.  Sometimes, you tend to forget what makes you happy that day.

So, I'm taking up this challenge.  I'll start my happy days from 14 February 2014!  Instead of a hundred happy days, I'll make it a year of happy days.  So, this will be my record of happy days I'll have (the longest post ever!) and I'll update this post everyday.

14 February 2014
Happy Day 1 - mr. Bambam bought me an iPad Air for Valentine's Day pressie. I can't believe it, my first every iPad :)

15 February 2014
Happy Day 2 - Went out for dimsum breakfast with mr. Bambam's family.  Had scrumptious dinner with mr. Bambam and his family at night and saw 2 local celebs. Took a stroll home after dinner with mr. Bambam and mr. Bambam said that he thinks I'm as pretty as a celebrity. *What a white lie* :)

16 February 2014
Happy Day 3 - I made a card holder pouch for my sister using online tutorial! Sewing is a happy thing to do. mr. Bambam says that he feels upset cause he's not spending enough time with me, he just wants to be with me.  So, we went for breakfast together. :)

17 February 2014
Happy Day 4 - Woke up at 12.30am as I'm being irritated by mosquito! mr. Bambam came home at the same time and he saw me at the door.  First words from him was "Are you okay? Why are you crying? Tell me, what's wrong??" and the anxious look on his face - I'm so blessed.  After complaining to him about the irritating mosquito, he spent the next 15 minutes trying to find and get rid of it and lastly, help to burn a mosquito coil. Managed to run to sentosa in the morning :)

18 February 2014
Happy Day 5 - Last night, mr. Bambam found the irritating mosquito and he send me a picture of it - dead! (sorry mozzie) Ohh ohh, and we catch "walking dead" together after having a filling meal of McDonald's! :)

19 February 2014
Happy Day 6 - Didn't managed to wake up early for gym but I still woke up and was in time for the before 7.30am clock in MRT to obtain my de-congesting reward! :) Happy am I to be searching for our new house bathtub as well. mr. Bambam is overly excited and keeps telling me to call HDB on keys collection. Ha! :)

20 February 2014
Happy Day 7 - mr. Bambam came home and I told him about a second mozzie that is irritating me the whole night. mr. Bambam was so upset and he says he will catch it for me *love* Oh oh, and I am glad I went to gym alone this morning cause there was a train fault! So while everyone's fuming about the train stoppage, I am at the gym having a nice hot shower :)

21 February 2014
Happy Day 8 - Happy am I when mr. Bambam set up mosquito coil again so that I can have a good night's sleep. He's so sweet to do that despite me making him angry (I didn't wake up on time to wake up him for work! >.<). When he came back at 630am, his first concern was me - the first thing he did was asking me if there were any mosquito bites and was I able to sleep well. Gosh, that's so *melts*. Hahas, another happy thing is that I'm going for a free guided tour to USS and SEA Aquarium as part of my job. Hees, that's cause my company will be organising a family day at USS *crossed fingers*  I hope my MD is still agreeable when we send him the approval papers. :)

22 February 2014
Happy Day 9 - I had dinner with my lovelies ladies! Went to Lingy's house for dinner with her and her children. OMG, kids are super adorable. I want to have one soon ;) Oh and the fences surrounding our block is down! I told mr. Bambam and he immediately said let's go over later~~ :)

23 February 2014
Happy Day 10 - mr. Bambam ended work at 1.30am and reached home at 2.00pm. We got changed and went over to our block for a walk walk~ Oh, mr. Bambam strike 4D as well :) I am so happy. We had McDonald's as supper and strolled back home to zzz. Hees. I had my facial (face and back) in the afternoon, I am so glad~ :)

24 February 2014
Happy Day 11 - mr. Bambam is sick :( I intend to cook his favourite salmon to make him feel better. Remember the USS family day I was talking about? MD came back and said "ok". Wheeew~ But it feels so stressful to plan a family day for 1,000 pax within 3 weeks. I hope I can manage :)

25 February 2014
Happy Day 12 - Because mr. Bambam is sick, we slept very early last night at 9.30am. In the middle of the night (this morning), mozzie keep irritating him and me so he woke up and search for the mozzie. I was dead as a log and didn't bother about mozzie. mr. Bambam was so nice to be fuming and searching for the mozzie. He finally caught it and swapped it to its death *oopsy~* I hope for a good night's sleep today!! :)

26 February 2014
Happy Day 13 - Went to gym in the morning! Finally, after 4 days of hiatus. I sewed last night - a potholder! So happy about it. :)

27 February 2014
Happy Day 14 - Great, this is keeping up :) Happy am I today as we went to eat Marche for lunch! Wee~ But work has not been very successful though, many hiccup along the way. Well, like I mentioned, it's impossible to keep happy everyday, there will be situations whereby you feel down. You can only have happy moments at certain part of the day :)  Anyway, I went to Paya Lebar to wait for mr. Bambam after his work and strolled along Star Living. Saw a few items that might be great for our house! *Okay, mr. Bambam said they were quite ugly =X* Oh well~ :)

28 February 2014
Happy Day 15 - I bought some herbs to boil herbal tea and so I woke up at 4.30am to wash clothes, doze off, wake up again to dry the clothes and was thinking if I should boil and there, I went ahead to boil the tea!! This was quite an easy feat. You just need to pour the ingredients into the pot, wash it, pour 3 litres of water and put the pot over the fire till it is boiling and simmer the pot over low heat for 30-40 minutes~ Easy, right? Oh, remember to add rock sugar after that :) This is for mr. Bambam as he has been sick for 3 weeks already (on and off). Hopefully the herbal tea does its work and will be able to reduce his heatiness. :)

1 March 2014
Happy Day 16 - How time flies! Today, I attended my colleague's baby shower. So adorable to have a child. Oh oh, I spent 50cent at a try for Para Para. Recalling those old days with my besties when we used to go arcades and dance all day. No wonder I was slimmer then because I was sweating buckets when I tried the dance. mr. Bambam says he should give me $5 every weekend to dance my fats off. Hahas! :)

2 March 2014
Happy Day 17 - I sew-ed again! This time round, it's 2 pouches - one for a very good friend and the other for my sister! Packed mr. Bambam room and sweep the floor~ :) Ended my night by putting on a facial mask and playing Candy Crush on iPad. What a nice day :)

3 March 2014
Happy Day 18 - Happy am I to be home and eating KFC with mr. Bambam :) We found walking dead on an app on iPad but it was loading very very slowly. It took us 3 hours to finish watching the 45min show. Hahas. Oh, I went USS again. I'm hope this nightmare (yes, nightmare!) will end soon. =X

4 March 2014
Happy Day 19 - After working OT yesterday, I am so glad I can knock off on time! Hees, but then again, I have not been working much at all since last year till now. Oh well. So, I went home and ate Mcdonalds with mr. Bambam. Sweet, right? :)

5 March 2014
Happy Day 20 - mr. Bambam came home and he asked was I bitten by mozzie. I said yes and he switched the lights on and look for it. I flipped and he saw it on my thigh. *Swat!* and he landed a tight slap on my back thigh. *Ouch* :'( Okay, but I'm glad he got rid of the mozzie. It's very irritating to have 1 mozzie every day. :)

6 March 2014
Happy Day 21 - Can't believe it took me 4 days later to record my everyday happy day! Hahas.  Anyways, I heard my neighbours are collecting their keys. OMG, excited. Oh, attended a workshop in the afternoon and got to go off early. Went all the way to Chinatown to buy cheap toiletries and then to Paya Lebar to have dinner with mr. Bambam. While waiting for mr. Bambam to finish his work, I shopped around City Plaza and bought like cheap clothes! Excited max. :)

7 March 2014
Happy Day 22 - Had dinner with my family.  We had crabs! Yummy yummy. :)

8 March 2014
Happy Day 23 - Was cutting cloth and trying to create a recyclable bag for mr. Bambam's mum.  Well, so here is the outcome and I'm so glad it looked usable! :)

9 March 2014

Happy Day 24 - This is one of the happiest day of my life! Why?  We went for gown fitting for photoshoot. Oh boy, sure it is tiring! Hahahas. They didn't allow pictures so yeah, no pictures.  I tried like dozens of wedding gowns and evening gowns. Finally selected 6 beautiful gowns.  2 A Line wedding dress with long train, 1 Empire Style wedding dress, 1 Ball Gown evening gown (this looks like Belle's dress from Beauty and the Beast), 1 Empire Style evening gown and 1 traditional Kua. :)  Now, I am just wondering which 4 to be selected for indoor shoots and which 2 to be selected for outdoor shoots =X And we received HDB's invite to collect keys - Hurray!

10 March 2014

Happy Day 25 - Phews! I am so busy to be happy. Hahas, weird annotation, how can one be too busy to be happy? Well, yeah :P Anyway, mr. Bambam and I are scheduled to collect keys on a certain date and we brought it forward :) Hees, and exciting evening with the "Walking Dead" again!

11 March 2014

Happy Day 26 - What can be happier than usual? Meeting up a group of old friends! And excitedly, I went to Daiso to have a look while waiting for them. I saw a pair of cute looking hooks and a little basket. Ah ha! Just the right stuff I needed to create a flyers holder for our new place and mr. Bambam said 'okay' to it. And I did bought that :) Will post a picture soon when I'm at my new place. Oh, dinner was great @ Javier's, it's a rotisserie and salad bar eating place :) 

12 March 2014

Happy Day 27 - I went for a 2 hour gym session! Shag max but the feeling is like a-shiok ar~ type. Hahas, hope I will have longer gym sessions in future too! :)

13 March 2014

Happy Day 28 - Finally given out all my USS tickets for the upcoming Family Day. It's 2 more days to the Family Day!! And finally saw mr. Bambam after 2 days of not being able to see him. So glad :) Happy thing is, I picked up 3 stickers for the 7-11 card! A little step closer to get my Captain America figurine! Hehes.

14 March 2014

Happy Day 29 - Friday makes anyone happy! Hahas, well, it's 1 more day to THE day~ I hope nothing goes wrong.

15 March 2014

Happy Day 30 - It's the FAMILY DAY! Everything had went well despite some hiccups at certain occasions but I am so glad it's over! Well, had some of the rides with Lingy's daughter and I must say it's definitely a fun filled day. I slept like a pig at 9am onwards =X Oops. mr. Bambam was pissed off at me for some stuff but I'm glad he's not angry anymore.

16 March 2014

Happy Day 31 - And I sewed again! This time, I made a coin pouch specifically request by my uncle's wife. Well, next Saturday is my Grandpa's birthday and I can finally distribute my pouches to all who requested :) mr. Bambam allowed me to eat Zinger meal! Yays! What a happy thing to celebrate - Zinger is finally back. :)

17 March 2014
Happy Day 32 - I am in no mood to work! Why? It's the day! The day when mr. Bambam and I are collecting our keys to our getaway! Our lovely home :) The whole procedure took like an hour to complete but it is so unreal, like this is it, we're finally getting it! Both of us are super duper excited. Hahas :) Here's us and the keys.

18 March 2014
Happy Day 33 - Lunch talk was a success today! :) And we stepped in for the first time. Beautiful.

19 March 2014
Happy Day 34 - Can't contain my excitement about the whole thing! Hehes, went to have soup spoon and source around Franc Franc to see if anything suits my new place. mr. Bambam said something really sweet, he said he is feeling very excited because we are finally having a place on our own and he loves me. :) I am so blessed.

20 March 2014
Happy Day 35 - mr. Bambam gave me all the 7-11 stickers and we tried our luck at the 7-11 collectibles. Awwww, it's not Captain America that I wanted badly. We went and clean the entire house, mr. Bambam looks super cute carrying mops and buckets :P What a sight. Oh, yeah, I was on leave and we checked for defects. Sadly, there are quite a number of defects, oh my oh my. But still, the excitement grows further :) I am so excited!

21 March 2014
Happy Day 36 - Had planned and draw out what the house should be like. Am so anxious to show everyone! Everything from the lights to dining table are thought through already. Yays! Oh, my Taobao items will be arriving in 5 weeks time. Yays again. Let's hope everything is okay to use :)

22 March 2013
Happy Day 37 - Went cycling today with my poly mates. I thought it would be awkward but it was okay! Meeting went out fine and it was really fun cycling~ I wish mr. Bambam can go cycling with me one of these days too (maybe at our new home's nearby park! ^_^) We took alot of silly photographs and did a comparison with some other photographs 8 years ago. Went to my grandparents' house for my grandpa's birthday celebration at night. What a day, filled with so much happiness! :)

23 March 2014
Happy Day 38 - mr. Bambam and I took his dad to our new place and we did alot of measurements! After which, I went to visit his grandma at NUH and headed to Jurong/Choa Chu Kang area to see furniture. Oh, when we were measuring, we realised that the ikea sofa that we're aiming have reduced prices! From $1,799, it is now priced at $999! A whopping $800 discount! WOW, wait no more, we're heading to ikea soon to make our sofa purchase! YIPPIE! Spent the night ironing all our clothes :)

24 March 2014
Happy Day 39 - Had Swensen's for lunch and my colleague used the Swensen's voucher. In the end, each of us only spend $12 to have a main course and ice cream~ Yummy yummy. At night, ate with mr. Bambam but couldn't watch walking dead cause it's not uploaded yet. Grrrr, fell asleep quite early and still feel sleepy though. :)

25 March 2014
Happy Day 40 - Happy am I to go meet a contractor with regards to our house but alas~ He is unable to do our house as we wanted a very unique position for stove. Oh well, so mr. Bambam and I went to have Mcdonalds for dinner! :)

26 March 2014
Happy Day 41 - Went gym, like a finally! Hahahas, during lunch and did alot of work outs. Sweat sweat sweat, I loveeeeee it! :) We went to our unit to try to install lights but it wasn't working out *yikes* But so funny, just both of us trying to put up lights.

27 March 2014
Happy Day 42 - I bought casino chips for mr. Bambam and he was so happy! Went Paya Lebar to wait for him after work and saw a lot of toilet, kitchen accessories at Hoe Kee. Oh, and I found a just nice length rain shower that may be able to fit our main toilet! :)

28 March 2014
Happy Day 43 - Took leave today to shop around ikea! Happy happy, mr. Bambam bought 2 plushie for me. I named them "Yunyun" (which is me!!) and "Sunsun" Weird me =X Oh, and our fave ikea sofa, it's the last piece left (someone please stab me now!) Anyways, happy me with new toys. And I collected my free Nikon hand strap! Yays!

29 March 2014
Happy Day 44 - Ate like alot today and had my facial. Wow, so shiok. Accompanied mr. Bambam for both lunch and dinner and then went home to iron clothes :)

30 March 2014
Happy Day 45 - Sunday! I cooked dinner for myself while mr. Bambam went to work :)

31 March 2014

Happy Day 46 - We met an ID today and both of us felt very comfortable with him and how it's coming along. Hopefully, he might be the ID we're confirming! *fingers crossed* :) And walking dead is so so so so exciting! It's the last episode for this season but it left me hanging like wanting for it to continue! Oh my, still have to wait till October to catch the new season of walking dead - someone, help meee~ =X

1 April 2014

Happy Day 47 - Gym this morning. I am really tired but the thought of being fat scares me. Hahas.

2 April 2014
Happy Day 48 - Went for training and was rather early for the training. So, I bought Mcdonald's for breakfast! Yum yum yum :) Went to MGS to wait for mr. Bambam after training and we had dinner at Canton Paradise, so so yummy! Such a happy day!

3 April 2014

Happy Day 49 - I won myself a french press from work!! Yays, it was actually taking photographs of yourself on rides during Family Day and I have like 7 photographs~~ Weeee, went to gym in the afternoon and Vanessa told me I'm confirmed as an employee :) Double joy. Triple joy is cooking dinner and I tried Prawn Paste Chicken for the very first time and surprisingly, it is relatively nice :) Yummy yummy~

4 April 2014

Happy Day 50 - Friday's so great when you're on course for the afternoon half! :) After that, I passed by Ang Mo Kio and decided to head to gym for a half an hour run, shiok ar~ Met mr. Bambam for dinner after gym :)

5 April 2014

Happy Day 51 - Went to pray pray for Qing Ming Jie today and brought my mum and sis to my flat for viewing :) Happy happy, stayed home and waited for mr. Bambam to came back to have dinner :)

6 April 2014
Happy Day 52 - Today, I went to house visiting of my neighbours and neighbouring blocks! It was so excited and great to hear so much from my neighbours!! I hope I can find the right one to do my flat soon. Hur hur~ Was supposed to meet mr. Bambam to go furniture shopping but I was late! So lucky that mr. Bambam did not scold me. We had dinner and then he rushed off for work. Sighs, the agony of being poor. But I am still glad to see completed renovations today! :)

7 April 2014
Happy Day 53 - I cooked again! This time round, salmon, prawns, carrots and crabmeat for mr. Bambam. Yays~

8 April 2014
Happy Day 54 - mr. Bambam came home and we went down to have KFC together!! Yummy yummy, and then, I told him about going to our house and he was telling me, how about we go now?? Caught me by surprise but I am very elated about it, he always tell me don't bother going but this time round, he initiated going to our house!! Super super happy :)

9 April 2014
Happy Day 55 - Waited for mr. Bambam at Little India after work! Wanted to go Novamobili to shop for dining table but it was closed! Sighs, however, mr. Bambam treated me dinner and I am so happy! Happy girl :)

10 April 2014
Happy Day 56 - Was supposed to wake up early for gym :P But I didn't. I'm becoming lazy and fatter~ Yikes, not a good sign but I did went gym in the evening! mr. Bambam treated me dinner again (met him at Serangoon) and he says I'm silly cause I bought stuff from Watsons from Habourfront when I could get them at Sengkang. Hahas, silly silly me. Oh, submitted the SHA for my company too! Yays! Hoping to get good results :)

11 April 2014
Happy Day 57 - I went for Yoga with my colleague. Woo, super shiok. Even did a hot steam thingy after the yoga, doubly shiok! Hahas.

12 April 2014
Happy Day 58 - It's mr. Bambam's MGGE performance today. Seeing him conduct on stage, I feel super happy! And boy, we ate so much today! We had Sukiya (buffet) for lunch and KFC for dinner/supper. Hahas, yummy yummy~ Oh, I went site visiting to quite a number of our neighbour's place. So glad to have good neighbours around :)

13 April 2014
Happy Day 59 - It's one of my bestie's birthday today! Happy birthday to her! :) Went to our house to do some cleaning up and saw that some of our defects were being rectified! Yays! Took free tiles from our neighbours (for our bathtub). Glad to have them :)

14 April 2014
Happy Day 60 - I went for gym during lunch and a hot steam again. But I had a massive headache in the evening. mr. Bambam said I might have gotten heat stroke and he drowned me with lots of iced water and massage my head for me. Slept super early like 9am cause I am really too tired and my head hurts. And 3am, I woke up to dry the laundry. Guess what! mr. Bambam accompanied me too. I have such a lovely husband. I totally love him much.

15 April 2014
Happy Day 61 - Today's pay day! Doesn't that deserve more happiness :P mr. Bambam is so sweet. I told him I needed pinking shears and he was in AMK, he went to ask the cloth shops around and it costs $59.90! I told him it's okay because I will be getting it from Tampines Ikea and guess what, he went all the way to Tampines Ikea to get my pinking shears! Hehes, it was $9.90. I superbly love it to bits (literally bits of cloths I'm cutting :P)

16 April 2014
Happy Day 62 - Went for a meeting lunch at Modesto! Yummy yumm yum~ Hees. mr. Bambam working at night so I went for a session of hot yoga! Woooooo, the perspiration, it super good! On a side note, I'm fatter. Yikes, I realised I grow vertically whenever I am happier. Hahas.

17 April 2014
Happy Day 63 - It's the last working day for this week! Wooohooo! Went to Paya Lebar to look for mr. Bambam after his lesson and we had the Ban Mian and Gui Ling Gao. Oh my love my love. mr. Bambam is not feeling well as he's been working for many many days. I feel so sad seeing him fall ill but he says it's all because of our house so he has to work harder. Love mr. Bambam much!

18 April 2014
Happy Day 64 - mr. Bambam's sister brought me to expo and we bought so many stuff for my new home! We bought the Sharp Aircon, Philips TV and a Mitsubishi Fridge. Am a happy girl with many new things for my new home :) mr. Bambam treat me to Jack's Place in the evening - super yummy. How can I be slim like this~~~~ Haha

19 April 2014
Happy Day 65 - Went over to grandparents' side while waiting for mr. Bambam to knock off. Bought them rojak and they love it alot! :)

20 April 2014
Happy Day 66 - My Taobao loots came. Okay, albeit disappointing but the bathroom accessories seems okay! Have not use yet but will see how ;)

21 April 2014
Happy Day 67 - Happy am I to be munching on edamame for dinner :) mr. Bambam is working so I just stay home and laze around

22 April 2014
Happy Day 68 - Happy to be gym-ing. Muscles aching but I'm lovin' it! :) mr. Bambam told me he bought me a present. Was super excited to reach home and I saw 2 shirts (jerseys to be exact). Haha, mr. Bambam likes soccer so much nowadays that he bought me real madrid and germany jersey!! :) I love it a lot.

27 May 2014
Happy Day 103 - Wow, I didn't blog for a month but there were so many many happenings!

Firstly, mr. Bambam has another niece who popped on earth :) Then he got paint for our painting session! Follow by the start of renovation by praying and then the actual painting.  We even went to Genting for a chill out session and took our wedding photographs.  Most recently, our flat has the renovations starting.  We hack away a wall and electrical works are up!  I can't imagine how time flies but yes, it's still a happy session for me overall :)

No more wedding dinner

I can’t believe it. 8 months ago, I was at the hotel, admiring how beautiful a wedding can be and thinking of all sort of ideas to beautify my once in a lifetime wedding.

8 months later, I sold off the wedding package. Sighs, made a loss of $500. Money is not that important since I’ve more proclaimed “friends” who had cheated off more than what I have lost in this wedding transaction.

As long as mr. Bambam and I are happy together, I’m not going to care about anything else anymore. I hate being commanded to do things that are not what I wanted. And most importantly, I hate gossip mongers. These are a bunch of people that should be burned and die.

Oh well, happy thing is I’m going for my gown trial on 9 March 2014. That’s a happy thing to know.

Happy thing number 2, we received a letter asking for our housing loan eligibility. This means our house is near!

Stressed am I in finding the correct and reasonably priced (cheap! =X) contractor or interior designer. What I want is relatively simply, just lights, kitchen, shower kerb, bath tub, doors and all the various window grills etc.

How much could these costs? Sighs.

Or should I have requested for more stuff and pay lesser per item cost but pay more in overall package?

I have no idea. Damn. 

My husband is great

Just as when you are so desperate, there’s an angel sent from above to help you up. The angel is battered and torn yet despite his weariness, he continues protecting you and providing you with all the assistance you need.

There’s no God as great as this angel. And you are truly my dearest angel, my greatest husband.

Anxiety Attack 2

Today, a friend shared an article on Facebook. It was about Brad Pitt and his wife, Angelina Jolie. The article says Brad Pitt was on the verge of divorcing this woman because she was not herself anymore. She gets constantly nervous and was always crying. She is not happy, suffers from headaches, heart pains and jammed nerves.

That sounded exactly like an anxiety attack. And suddenly, I begin to know how she felt.

And Brad Pitt did his love for her by showering Angelina Jolie with all the love he can, flowers, kisses and compliments. She regained and became a better woman than before. I don’t know how true this is but I know exactly what she was going through.

I am still recovering from what was the shock of my life. I went bonkers and berserk the other day. I screamed, cried, shivered and my eyes fall to daze. I had no directions and I don’t know what to do. I became frightened at every single movement and I imagined things that were not like they were. I pinched myself. I mumbled insults at myself before I can fall asleep.

My lips were constantly dry. I am afraid of mr. bambam leaving me. I tensed up at every ring of his phone and I was fearful of interacting with people, especially my family and friends.

In any other case, as a man, most would have left or brush away the situation and ignore the woman. I don’t know why mr. bambam didn’t scold me for being silly like before. I think he knew I was at the edge, unlike how I used to be. I am totally not myself.

He saw through my eyes how scared I am. The “me” that used to be fearless was hiding far, far behind. I don’t know where I had hidden myself too as well.

mr. bambam held my hand tightly, assuring me that things are well. He told me that there was nothing to be worried about. He pats me to sleep. Worried that I am having nightmares, he slept beside my bed every night. He constantly checks on me and calms me down when I’m frowning as I sleep.

I was like a child, terrified of the world. I am tensed and grabs mr. bambam tightly no matter where we went to. He was no Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is rich, but mr. bambam still has a job and works night shift to earn more for our future.

Yet, mr. bambam had to console and endure my craziness. I have no idea how he dealt with me. He is such a strong and wonderful man. Concerned, he took me to doctors to make me better. Before each consultation with the different doctors, he offered to go in first. I don’t know what he told the doctors but I felt at ease with him doing so. The western doctor I see asked me “What happened?” I didn’t know as well and helplessly, I cried. Big droplets of tears just flow down my cheeks. I couldn’t control myself.

mr. bambam had to hug me tight and tell me not to worried. Every time he saw me under pressure, he just kept quiet and held me close. Before leaving for work, he made sure I am relaxed and comfortable.

I know mr. bambam is tired. He said softly to me he wishes a speedy recovery for me but yet, he continues to care about me relentlessly. Knowing that visiting our new neighbour’s place will bring me joy, he accompanied me to do so despite him hating to interact with new people.

I am like a spoilt child, showered with love. After my medical leave, on my first day to work, he took the train all the way to Habourfront with me, just to make sure I reached my office safely. When work has ended, he carries an umbrella amidst the heavy rain to ferry me home. Then he helps with the cooking and dinner is served. After a busy day caring for me, he then had to work night shift to answer ridiculous calls from strangers and endures being yelled at.

I have to get well soon. I really have too.

I know I am still afraid. My neck is constantly strained and I am on high alert of people. I get frighten still by small movements people make. When I see crowds, I grab my arms tightly.

But I know this cannot stay. I need to be well. I need to be strong.

I have a man, better than Brad Pitt. We may not be as wealthy as they are but the love mr. bambam had for me, definitely wins all the man on earth.

What did I do to deserve such a guy?

He’s too perfect.

To make me happier, he had booked tickets for us to travel to Taiwan. It’s our first flight together. Our first, flying across the earth, trip.

So, please, little girl in me, please get well. Please do not be so stressed and tensed anymore. You are a grown up, a woman so do not be beaten down by little obstacles in life.

I wish you well, please recover soon.

Anxiety Attack

I wasn’t happy 6 months ago. About the wedding.

6 months later, I had an anxiety attack. And from this incident, I get to know how wonderful mr. bambam is to me. He is patient, kind, understanding and soft.  The list can goes on and on about what an amazing man he is to me.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I had been having nightmares since last Friday. To be honest, I am so ashamed and fearful of everything – I pinched myself. Ouuch? In fact, I don’t feel any pain although the bruises look extremely scary. It was red, black, dark, rounded and around my arms.

I thought I was fine. I really thought I was.

What exactly happened? I’m really not sure. Friday night just went by and I couldn’t sleep. I think of myself being a bad person, ugly and shameless. I thought of reasons mr. bambam may not want me and there is another lady out there that deserves him so much. I can’t take it imagining that, I pinched and cried myself to sleep. Hopefully, I am able to fall asleep but I really can’t. I don’t know why. I dazed, I look at the mirror and I cried and cried.

There’s a tiny voice in my head keep repeating insults at me.

I can’t ignore.

I know I am still not myself yet. I cringed when walking in crowds. I held mr. bambam’s hand so tight he felt he is being squeezed. I can’t relax myself. I cried when the doctor asked me how am I. I cried when I am going to sleep. I clenched my fists every night since.

Please, take me away from this misery.

Being good

Is being good a bad thing nowadays?

I have been told I trust too easily, by friends, colleagues and family.  Why?  Is trust not valuable now?  And is giving in a bad thing to do?

Taking for example, I knew my career was going nowhere, however, this is a place that can help me in my salary increment – money, something that is of upmost importance to me now as my flat and wedding are coming.  However, if I had stayed on, it’s going to be a dent in my career.  What am I doing now is practically administrative work, and that is the reason for me to run away from my comfortable 3 years zone in my previous workplace.

So, happily, I got another offer from another company that apparently seems to be offering me a career path that can accelerates to where I want to be, eventually.  The cons – they’re offering me the same salary and I’ll be missing out my current company’s bonus as well as my annual increment.  Well, but for the sake of my future, I’ve decided to go ahead.

Friends said I’m silly, I should ask for more and should have stick to my decision of higher salary but my thought is what’s my justification for a higher asking salary?  I would stick around in the company to work my way and prove my worth, shouldn’t it be the case?

Okay, fine, I gave in but shouldn’t I?

Another example was I have a very good friend who needed cash to fund her studies.  I am not sure of the reason why but she didn’t take a loan and asked if I could help.

I thought long and hard about it.  This was the 3^rd time since her studies that she had been asking around for funds and approached me.  I know it’s tough; I’ve been through it myself, I begged for help and was rejected by the very people who said I am their precious in the past.  So, I decided, okay, fine, I’ll take out my savings (which is practically all) for her to study.

She promised to return on a monthly basis for the next 6 months.

Is that foolish?

Colleagues, friends and family told me not to do it.  They said that she should have predicted the money necessary for her studies and saved up instead of approaching for help.  But, why not help?  Isn’t a friend in need a friend indeed?

So, what?  Being too good is bad for a person or should we selectively be good?

I'm not happy

All brides are super happy to plan their own wedding. For me, whenever I think about it, I just silently cry in my room. I'm really not happy to get married.

I hate the dates, I get chided for not being strong to overcome my mum.  I fear what might happen when the two families meet. Friends see this as a drama. But this is my life, it's not a show.

A show only goes on on tv. When the show has ended, the lives of the actors carry on..The scriptwriter can dictates how he wants the ending to be. But my life has no control.

I'm bring manipulated. Either way, I'm. I hate the feeling.. I hate to plan. I'm envious that other brides can be so blissful, so perfect.

I'm nothing but just a rag doll. Maybe a corpse bride in future if everyone still forces me. Please stop, seriously.